For people living with dyspraxia and Autism, social skills and cues are often missed or mixed up. Executive function deficits can also play a part such as struggling with planning, organising, prioritising, time management, emotion regulation and impulse control. There may be a tendency to be over or under sensitive. And regularly need reminding to eat/drink/ and even use the toilet.
Ways to combat and cope with the struggles within a relationship when a partner has a diagnosis of dyspraxia/autism/ADHD
* Write a list of positive traits that attracted you to your partner in the first place. This can help you get through when times are difficult
* When communicating your needs think in terms of explanation instead of correction
* Simple step by step instructions for tasks such as laundry for example. Even separating laundry colours may be difficult so having 2 baskets, one for lights and one for darks.
* Communicating literally – Emails/texts and paper notes may also help. Visual information is usually easier to process such as white boards/books/media
* Your partner may not be able to initiate conversation or ask you to clarify what you mean, need, or want. Spelling it out in simple step by step directions may not seem genuine for you if you have to ask for what you need, but for your partner it is an important step and can help build trust, respect and understanding between you both.
* Alone time to destress from work may be a vital step in your partner being able to communicate when they arrive home…. i.e/ a 30 minute alone break. After that you can schedule a plan for family/children time. Scheduling times in can seem cold and business like to you but to them it makes things clear and much more sense. i.e/ chores 5-6pm, children 6-7pm, couple time 7.30-9pm
* Micro focussing on a thing/task/interest- spending hours at a time researching, planning, looking may be a form of relaxation for your partner
* Your partner may struggle to disclose their feelings or thoughts, as more often than not they struggle with self reflection. Lack of self disclosure from your partner can lead you to feel emotionally distanced within the relationship, yearning for more emotional intimacy. Remember your partner may be showing their love in different ways such as working many hours, focussing on work or practical tasks around the house.
* A common coping strategy in autistic behaviour is camouflaging! Camouflaging who they really are can be exhausting, creating low self esteem, anxiety and depression. Both them and you may question who they really are. They may need to feel safe and secure within the relationship to become in touch with their true self
Relationships can be tricky, however, with a little insight and a few tweaks in your approach towards each other you can make things easier for yourselves and your family.
Post below with your comments and suggestions. It would be great to hear how you manage your own friendships and relationships around these diagnoses
Useful links …..
https://www.adhdcentre.co.uk/supporting-a-partner-with-adhd
https://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/forums/index.php?sid=3bc7bfaaab610f1b90b9602543ecc0e1